I have lately been very blessed to have a lot more time to do my ongoing reading. One of the main reasons I love summer is precisely that it allows me the leisure to read throughout the day. I find that I am doing it frequently in coffess shops and more recently in my local public library. (I do a lot of reading during the school year at our school library! 🙂 Great praise to our wonderful library staff!) I have come to realize that I have learned so much not just from books but from the actual act of reading. I also realized that reading has functioned in many ways throughout my life. I would like to explore this important aspect of my life. I hope the reader will find something of value?

I always remember loving to read. One of my earliest memories is going with my sister to the public library as she went there to study (and hang out with friends). She would deposit me in the children’s section of the library and I would be completely lost in a world (really universe!) beyond all limits. I was no longer in South Park in Santa Rosa, but I was roaming with the tyrannosaurus rex or in the depth of the ocean in a submarine. I was solving mysteries with the Three Investigators (and Alfred Hitchcock!) or understanding how people built the pyramids. So many faces, places, feelings, thoughts. etc. It was truly a marvel. I also have wonderful memories of the going to the local park and getting to go into the Book Mobile. It was such a wonderful feeling to know that I could visit this magical place in my own neighborhood. It was like entering a space ship/time machine/magic ship all in one! I think at this time reading functioned both to take me away from some of the worse (and most painful experiences) of my life. It also allowed me to realize how much I was not ‘captive’ to the very apparent reality that was all around me. Reading also gave me a ‘glimmer’ of something (someone) larger. My father used to be a huge reader. In fact I have very vivid memories of him reading. I always thought that part of being a Man was to be a reader. It was just a given. My father once told me a story about how once he was asked by another farmworker why he read so much? The man said that he wouldn’t be able to ‘use’ what he read. He was just a field worker? My father responded that reading allowed him to understand the world and himself better. That we always needed to think! I now realize that reading helped develope my thinking skills. It is now fashionably called ‘critical thinking’ but back then it was just called thinking? LOL . I suspect that one of the reasons that Neoliberalism has such a chokehold on us is because we are so incapable of understanding and engaging our capacities to live in a world of our creation. I am constantly amazed how the young people (and many adults!) are truly mesmerized by the current historical moment and are incapable of placing themselves within a historical context. They “think” that this is ‘the way it is’. I remember seeing a bumper sticker in Berkeley that said “Don’t believe everything you think”. Reading challenges me to always be ‘on my toes’ when it comes to learning. It allows me to realize that the way things are is not (nor ever really was) the way it has always been (or will always be!).

The next time I remember being very much involved with books and reading in a conscious way was after high school. Before I speak about that time I must say that I had such wonderful teachers in both Jr. High and High School. It would require another blog entry entirely to do them all justice. Here, I will only briefly mention how my love of learning and discovery, curiousity etc. which began with my parents was fueled by many others throughout my life. This includes being ‘jealous’ of seeing my sister doing ‘homework’ for school. Imagine being told you had to learn…and given the time! She would get to stay up past her bedtime to do homework! I remember not being able to wait until I would be a grown up and had that job…yes! 🙂 I must admit sometimes while in school myself, the homework thing did lose some of its appeal…lol. I also will mention here Mr. Patterson, Mr. Cleek, Ms. Maeda, Mr. Fox. Mr. Latimer, Ms. Haenel among so many others! However after the time in compulsory education I went to the Santa Rosa Jr. College. I recall not finding enough satisfaction in some of the classes. I now realize I was also struggling with other issues that required some attention be brought to bear on them. I ‘dropped out’ of college at 18 and didn’t return until I was 27.

During these 9 years. I became what I would later identify as a working class intellectual. It was what Antonio Gramsci the Italian Marxist would call an ‘Organic Intellectual’. I basically worked odd jobs during the day (Sears automotive, daycare, putting up window sidings, youth minister, roofing etc.) and just read anything I wanted at night. I basically worked just to pay rent and eat. I certainly was helped by my family and especially my mom! God bless her! She never really ‘pressured’ me into doing something with my life. I did a lot of interesting things during that time in my life. I will give but 2 examples of how reading was a part of my life.

I was working as a youth minister during some part of this time in my life. It was the in many ways the first ‘real job’ that I had. It was a bit more professional (white collar) then some of the other jobs from that period. I was given a budget to run the youth program for a church. This included a budget for what was termed professional developement. This included a budget to buy books! I couldn’t believe it! They were paying me to buy books and read them! It was utterly insane (to my way of thinking at the time!) The first book that I bought was the 2 volume set by Richard McBrien entitled Catholicism. I remember reading that book(s) cover to cover. One of the most wonderful things about that book was that McBrien would make reference to various intellectuals that had shaped the Catholic theology and more broadly the Western intellectual tradition. I would find ‘ideas’ that were presented in the text that were of interest to me and then go and find those authors and read their stuff! So as an example I read about Jacques Maritain and his encounter with the Existentialist philosophy. I was lead to read many of the Existentialist philosophers etc. It was fantastic! Plus, I could use part of my ‘working hours’ to read…(professional developement!). This was actually allowed and encouraged! One of the most powerful things that came from that time was my encounter with Karl Marx and the Marxist tradition(s) This was in large part due to the confluence of many factors but especially how the Church became deeply politicized due to what was going on in Latin America. I, of course, fell in love with Liberation Theology. To this day I consider my reading of A Theology of Liberation: History, Politics, and Salvation by Gustavo Gutierrez on of the pivotal moments in my life. The reason I bring this up now is that during the time that I read this intellectual tradition it was a time when I was reading everything I could get my hands on. This included other economist (Hayek, Friedman, Mises, Keynes etc.) along with other ideas (I read Freud, Jung, Friedan, Steinem, Abzug,) I was also introduced to early LGBTQ movements and thinkers such as the writing of Robert Goss among so many others. What I found so wonderful about this period was that there was no ‘labeling’ for me in terms of putting people (or myself!) in boxes! I just judged each thinker on the merits of their ideas. Did it make sense?, did it seem to reflect reality (or the Real)?, did it resonate with my experience (or the experience of various communities that I was encountering)? etc. This is why years later I was astounded that people would be so dismissive of me by saying ‘you sound like a Marxist’. I never had anyone say I sounded like a Jungian? Or Maritainian? The people that were most dogmatic about putting me in a box were the anti-Marxist, this is particularly true in the academy but also in regular public discourse? I really never felt that Marx deserved any special place above other thinkers. Some of his ideas were super wonderful, some not so much. I still feel that way about viritually all of the intellectuals that I encounter (including myself! Some of my ideas are wonderful…some, not so much 🙂 😦 LOL !!!! )

The second example I give about my love for learning came during the same period of my life and also occurred while working the same job. Along with being given a budget I encountered another aspect of professional life. It was called 2 week paid vacation! I had never heard of sucha thing. You literally got paid while not having to go into work. Wild! Wild! 🙂 Because no one in my family really knew what this was about I just configured my own ‘vacation’. I asked a handful of people that I respected what books they would reccommend or has been of importance in their development. I was given a list of about 5-7 books. I bought the books. With my 2 week paycheck, I drove down to San Luis Obispo, I rented a motel 6 and did nothing but go to various beaches (Pismo, Avila etc.) and read. I finished all the books and ate Mexican food and danced at nightclubs! My 2 week pay lasted about 10 days. I went to my mom’s house and asked if I could live there for the remainder of my vacation…ahhhh the good old days! 🙂

At some point during this part of my life (and a little later) a strange phenomena becan to occur, I was asked to ‘speak’ at various events and for various audiences. Communities of various kinds (high school religion classes, confirmation groups, church youth groups , labor unions, civic organizations etc.) would ask me to speak on various topics. I would research (basically read a ton of material on said topic!) and then talk about it. I found this type of ‘work’ very gratifying. It was also wonderful because I could use my reading and nascent teaching skills to good use. For me that always meant working for the Common Good (to use CST parlance). Finally I had enough people tell me that I should just go back to school and ‘become a teacher’. Since I was doing a lot of teaching anyway. So….I did. 🙂

I realized that I wanted to be a teacher and found that the most powerful area that I was drawn to studying was theology. Here I will have to do a bit of a detour. During the period mentioned above I was doing a lot of political work (for me, not in comparison to some of the other people I was working with who I consider true political activist!). I was also doing a lot of ‘soul searching’ and asking theological questions. I felt like these two communities sometimes didn’t fully understand the need to have both issues addressed. I felt like the political activist were unaware of the need to ‘change the heart’, to use a phrase found in some spiritual literature. I also felt that some spiritual/self-improvement folks were not aware of the need to address in a very concrete manner the material conditions under which people lived. Sometimes it was not just a matter of ‘changing your mind, changing the world’. This binary reality was super difficult for me to live with. I never felt fully at home in either community. Then I read A Theology of Liberation by Gustavo Guiterrez. I do not exaggerate when I say that I wept openly when I read his words. I had never read anything that so spoke to me. It was like an entire world had been opened up to me. I remember thinking “this guy gets it”. I felt like he understood the absolute need to always be working on these two planes of existence. Or more accurately how it really was all ONE EXISTENCE! So I decided to teach and I decided to teach theology (later what this category meant got reconfigured to include a lot of other disciplines).

I began my studies at Holy Names University where I received a B.A. in History and Religious Studies. Because this is an entry on my life with books I will not spend much time on the formal education itinerary. I do recall that the wonderful professor/nuns were astounded that I had already read so much of what we were required to read. I did begin to teach at Moreau Catholic High School (after a 1 year attempt at teaching middle school). While at MCHS I was offered the ability to continue my ‘studies’ (had I ever really stopped?) by getting a Masters in Theological Studies during the summer at the University of Notre Dame. I was absolutely thrilled. Again, it was astouding to me that I was essentially getting paid to read/study! I felt like a thief….scamming people! 🙂 I loved it so much! There was an episode very near the end of my time getting this degree that I was once again reminded of how importand reading was in my life. In order to receive our M.T.S. we had to take comprehensive exams. This required us taking oral and written exams based on the selections of many, many preassignmed books. It was somewhat grueling process but one that I loved. In any case after the exams I had chosen to stay on campus the extra 2-3 weeks until graduation (rather than return to my home in Berkeley). I remember that my exams ended on Friday. On Saturday I went for a run (around the beautiful lakes on campus) and then went to the ND bookstore and promptly bought about 5-6 books to read during the ‘time off’. Some books were clearly light reading (a humor book by Janeane Garofalo and Ben Stiller entitled “Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy, and Sexual Satisfaction) but others were fairly dense intellectual tomes. I remember Lawerence Cunningham finding me early in week sitting outside reading one of the books on of the more intellectual books. He was amazed and reminded me that most people who ‘survive comps’ usually don’t ‘crack a book for a year or two afterwards’. I told him that for me that made no sense. He commented on this meaning I might be a candidate for doctoral studies. I assured him that I was not interested and just wanted to go back and teach high school…..I entered the Doctoral Program at Boston college within a few years! 🙂 Throughout it all….reading, reading, reading. But I always remember feeling the need to share (teach) what I was learning with other people. I was always blessed and honored to be asked to work with various communities and contribute in some small way to their projects/movements.

I continue to read and teach. I have been blessed and honored to do both in a variety of contexts! I most recently have realized something about how reading has function to make me a better teacher. In fact it was, in part, this realization that made me begin this entry. I have met some teachers who lose patience with their students because they are amazed at how slow the students are or how they don’t seem motivated. I think what we forget to realize is the incredible amount of WORK IT IS TO LEARN SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME. To encounter, engage and try to comprehend completely new material is truly an onerous task. I am currently reading a book entitled Mute Compulsion: A Marxist Theory of the Economic Power of Capital by Soren Mau. It is absolutely brutal! I will read entire pages and not know what the hell the Brother is talking about! It is sooooooooo unnerving. I consider myself intelligent but it can be humbling, frustrating and also, yes incredibly exciting. But I can only hand that level of intellectual challenge for a bit of time. I can only imagine what it would be like to inhabit that space for hours, and hours at a time. I think it is salutory for all teachers to periodically find ways to remind themelves what it feels like to be an absolute neophyte at something. I find that just having this ongoing reminder allows me to look at my students with a bit more patience, love, compassion and humanity. I suspect that for me reading has always function to make me, and the world around me more humane, and ultimately more Divine. Thank you God for the gift of reading.